C is turning five this month. Time flies. He’s already in Kindergarten 1. In two years, he will be receiving formal education (i.e., Primary one).
Looking back at these five years, these are some of my thoughts and reflection:
- I’m willing to park the car on the highest floor as there will be less people and I can deal with your possible anxiety and breakdowns.
- I’m willing to smell your buttock in the public or constantly pull open your pants to check for … as you’re not fully toilet trained yet.
- I’m willing to accept any onlookers’ stares and comments when you constantly need to press the lift’s buttons or when you break down when someone presses it before you.
- I’m willing to act silly, ridiculous, funny, etc just to get your attention or play along with you.
- I’m willing to accept any onlookers’ stares and even ‘nice scoldings’ when you break down hysterically in train rides due to the fear of it.
- I’m willing to use all sorts of methods from conventional to unconventional to reach out to you.
- I’m willing to give up my everything to help you and be an advocate for you.
- I’ve learnt to manage my time better as I will always need to give myself ample time to deal with how you’ll react in unfamiliar circumstances or events.
- I’ve learnt to control my emotions better as I realised you will really ‘monkey see monkey do’.
- I’ve learnt to laugh and laugh-off at the most delirious situations we can get ourselves in.
- I’ve learnt how to be more flexible and adaptable to deal with your sudden change in actions/conversations.
- I’ve learnt to be more patient and understanding towards others and towards situations I don’t understand.
- I’ve learnt to be a more forgiving person as you never hold a grudge or can never remember one for more than a day.
- I’ve learnt there’s a story behind every face. Do not judge others.
- I’ve learnt what does it mean to take things literally, as though grey doesn’t exist in this world. Only black or white.
- I’ve learnt man cannot let money be their master as the love, bond and time we spend and have with our kids are priceless.
- I’ve learnt to let go of things that once seemed important.
The list can go on and on. I’ve gained so much more in recent years as a person having a child with special needs. Although I’ve tear so much but I cannot deny the joy that C has brought me. When things seem so bleak for his future, he has been a prominent figure who gives me hope.
Thank you my dear son.
I’ve learnt to be a better person because of you.
I’ve learnt to be a stronger person because of you.
I’ve learnt to face the sun and let the darkness stay behind me through this journey, as we move forward together.